I have never thought of myself as a minimalist.
Correction – I am not a minimalist.
I like things.
I like to buy things.
I like to collect things.
I like to be surrounded by things.
I don’t and never have liked a lot of visual clutter. Too much clutter and things being out of place makes me crabby and uneasy – but if I can keep all the crap contained and hidden away for a later day (out of sight, out of mind!), I am perfectly okay with that – it’s how I roll.
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Until.
Until all the things I bought and collected and surrounded myself with (whether out in the open or squirreled away) suddenly made me want to lose my mind. There is stuff everywhere! So much stuff that I do not even remember what I have. So much stuff that I don’t even want to pick through the piles to be reminded of the stuff that I don’t remember I have.
How much STUFF can one person own?
The answer is a lot.
How much STUFF can one person need??
The answer is not very much.
Going through the divorce, starting life over as 40 looms just a few short years away, and now dealing with Alice’s cancer diagnosis, has put my anxiety into overdrive. All the turmoil has had me craving simplicity like never before – and not just where I can see it. I need it in every aspect of this home.
I have been slowly sorting through things. Selling some things, donating others, and pitching the rest. And, oh my, is it FREEING!!
I have a loooong way to go, but every time something leaves the confines of these walls I swear I can feel the weight lift a little bit. I can feel it inspiring my creativity. I can feel it bringing back the motivation to actually do something around here. As corny as it sounds, I can feel it opening the doors to this new life, and closing the doors of the old. Which I suppose makes sense – so much of this STUFF is a token of another time. Another life.
I don’t intend to get rid of everything I own to start all over (although I have been tempted – my therapist advised against that for now. 😉 ), but as I sort through the things, I ask myself “if you were moving tomorrow, would you take this with you?” It’s surprising how often the answer is a quick NO. So then why have it??? Try it sometime – I bet you’d be amazed at how much you would not want to go through the hassle of packing up, moving, and then unpacking at a new address.
I came across a concept not too long ago and immediately thought, YES! That is my focus going forward. (NOTE: This concept has been around a while – there are blogs and books and articles galore, I just had never heard the term – I am always late to the party. If I manage to show up at all…):
COZY MINIMALISM.
It’s about finding your style (any style!) and using just enough to portray the look and atmosphere you’re after.
It’s about function AND comfort. Have what you need. Add warmth and personality to the space using only things you truly, truly love. And then let the space breathe.
It’s about creating warmth, meaning, and beauty – with intention. That intention part is most important. 😉
I think of cozy minimalism as a sort of mash-up of traditional minimalist décor (function, space, possessing only what is needed), hygge (being present, having appreciation for simple things, warmth and coziness) and Marie Kondo (does it spark joy?). This is not an official definition – it’s just how my brain broke it down.
In general, I think I follow this concept a bit already (even more so in the last year), but I am most definitely guilty of hanging or displaying something – anything- for the sake of filling a void. So that’s something I’m going to work on.
More importantly, I’m going to focus the cozy minimalism concept on the things I keep as well as anything I bring into my home in the future. Which in time should relay into a more intentional home. A space that is warm and comforting – but not suffocating. I’m also going to implement an eye for an eye rule: if something new comes in – something old must go out.
Plus, as anyone who has been through a divorce knows – your income and lifestyle changes. If I’m not spending all my extra money on the newest trendy accessory or random antique “just to have it” – I’ll have more funds available for things like vacations with my girlfriends, house projects, and that elusive thing called retirement. This doesn’t mean I can’t buy anything fun or frivolous from time to time – it just means I need to be more thoughtful about it when I do.
And because I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – or where that path might take me when I figure it out – I love the idea of having a home that is pared down to only what I need and love the most. If I get a whim to pack up and move to Anywhere USA, I’ll feel like I have the freedom to do it. All the sorting, and selling, and decision-making of what to take and what to leave will be done.
Will I ever completely and fully embrace this concept? I don’t know – but I love the idea and purpose behind it, so I’m going to give it my best shot.
So what do you think of the cozy minimalism concept? Are you a cozy minimalist? Want to be one too? Let’s do it together!
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Good morning Tonya. I understand exactly what you are saying. Divorce and just life it’s self can bring you to that. If only we could realize these things when we were younger and buying things right and left. I like a few things out like you say. But now I have to go to NY city to collect my sweet brothers things in his apartment to bring home since I lost him in December. I always loved his things thought they were beautiful but now they belong to me and in a say way I don’t want them. Grief can change us and reshape us whether from death or divorce or loss of any kind. It brings to the forefront “things “ that are important. Strangely they are not important to me now. I’d much rather have my brother. I do agree with you that these things can become an unbearable weight and when freed from them then becomes tremendous blessings. I’m sorry that you had to gain this knowledge due to a divorce. At least you have a positive outlook at its wisdom you’ve gained.even tho at the price of a broken heart. The fact is your wiser than before and can pass that wisdom on to readers. I think your on a good path. can’t wait to see what you do with this new wealth of knowledge in your home. I hope you have a peaceful and fun day with Alice
Carole, I too lost a family member a couple months ago. As I’ve gone through her belongings–she lived with me several years, the passing of my mother has shown me that so much of what we hold onto we don’t need. And, maybe don’t really want. But I do hope that your brother’s belongings bring you some comfort and good memories.
Tonya, your home brings to my mind a peaceful and comfortable sanctuary. You have some great ideas, and I always look forward to your “musings.” Thank you for sharing your home–and your heart with us.
Thank you , it is difficult for sure Thank you for your kind words. I cry everyday and it’s been seven months. I agree with you on Tonyas home I think I look at it everyday because there is something very peaceful and I look forward to seeing what she does. Sweet little lady she is. I think a lot of people are realizing that things are not important. My brother ? Well I’d pretty much give up anything to see him one more time. I do have great memories though. Thank you Sandy
Thank you Sandy. I am sorry to hear of your loss as well – losing someone we love definitely makes us stop to appreciate what is truly important in life.
I’m so very sorry to hear of your brother, Carole. It is true the perspective you gain after loss is a real eye opener – if only we didn’t have to endure the pain to see it. Things are things – but the sweet memories are a gift to hold each and every day. I hope they bring you comfort as you grieve.
AMEN
AMEN
Great post and I love your definition….cozy minimalism! I’m now in my late 60’s (I’m to young to be this old!) and I think you begin to realize what’s truly important….experiences and people and all the “stuff” can hinder that. How much time do we spend, cleaning, sorting, fixing, redoing STUFF! It has it’s momentary satisfaction….but it’s people and experiences that feed our soul!
Well said, Toni!!
I love this post! For as long as I can remember, I’ve liked things…lots of things. Two years ago My husband passed away and life as I knew it was over. I moved 8 months later and along with the sadness and bewilderment I was dealing with, I felt like I was suffocating as I emptied drawers and closets, and all of those ‘things’ were piling up around me. I also felt ashamed as I thought of so much wasted money (particularly on shoes and clothing). While I’m not sure I’ll ever be a minimalist, I did let go of an awful lot and it was definitely freeing! My goal is to pare down even more…it just doesn’t come easily for me😉.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss Andrea. Grief seems to have a way of making us crave simplicity and really focusing on what matters most in life. I don’t think I will ever be a pure minimalist either – but I do want to try my best to live and choose and decorate with more thought and intention. We’ll work on it together!
Hi Tonya, I am on board! I have slowly started this process already and can’t wait to reach my goals. It takes time, but I think it’s worth it.
It’s definitely not a fast process – but I agree – totally worth it!!
What a great post. I hang on to way too much stuff. I get the bug to stop shopping and go by the same theory-if something comes in, something has to go out and after a few weeks, I find myself shopping. Just today during my lunch hour, I went to Goodwill. I left with some woven chargers/placemats and a couple of pretty plates. I needed them like I needed a hole in my head (which I must already have). Ha! My husband always says ‘just because it’s cute, doesn’t mean you have to buy it.”
It is an endless circle isn’t it, Pat? I have been guilty of the same thing for YEARS. Haha!
I enjoyed reading this. We purchased our home last September and it has a family room and a living room, since we have only had 1 living/family room before I didn’t have furniture to fill that extra space.. I decided that I didn’t want to just fill that extra room with just “stuff” And I will wait until I see some things that I absolutely love before I purchase for that room! So as of now that living room is still empty.. I am waiting for those special pieces! <3
Love reading your blog!
You are going about it the right way for sure! My hoarders basement is a prime example of what happens when you just buy everything and anything that catches your eye. 😉
Hmm years ago when I wanted a house I put in my day planner cover, pleasure vs. happiness to help guide my purchases. Once I had my house and was busy making it a home with things about me that held memories, my guide changed as it was not so much about things. It became happiness vs. joy. I make decisions based on wanting to feel and bring joy to life. Every moment counts.
I keep Alice in my prayers!..you too! Lol
Absolutely agree, Susan. Life is short. And I have good news on Alice!! 😉
I am slowly going the same route. I have decided that collections and things are only beautiful if they bring peace, joy, calm, and comfort to my life. That is how I decide what goes and what stays. You have chosen the right path in your youth, and that in itself should be very liberating! Best wishes! Continuing to love your blog.
Thanks Sherry! I agree – and my collections got waaaay out of control. Feels so good to be doing something about it!
I’ve never put a name to how I style our home, but I like the term you’ve shared here today. I donated or sold most of my decorating stash, and I haven’t regretted one single thing I’ve gotten rid of. I like contained collections, too, and now I’m very selective as to what I do buy. I love the way you’ve styled your home!
Thanks Vickie! I, too, am finding that I have no regrets as things leave my home to go to a new one. This whole getting rid of things is really kind of addicting. 🙂
I think many of your readers feel the same. I have found that well chosen, special things that I love are so much better than box loads of stuff!!
I am starting to see the wisdom in that too – I’m sure I’ll revert back to my old ways once or twice, but I really do love this whole idea of living more simply and intentionally.
My mom said years ago (when she was the age I am now) that she was paring back her home and just didn’t need so much “stuff” anymore. I didn’t get it at the time but boy do I understand now!
Love that term “cozy minimalism”. I, too, have been ridding my clutter drawer by drawer, closet by closet, etc.
Here’s to all of us living and decorating more intentionally!
Cheers to that Carol! 😀
As one of your older readers, I can tell you I’m in the same path of clearing As you. There is sooo much that is not, and will never be, my chilfren’s Idea of style. There is no point in saving those things for them, and at my age, I only need what I need now. I don’t want to spend my remaining years shuffling “stuff”, rather than spending that time with friends and family and doing other things. So, some sales, some gifting, and some donations. The open spaces I’m beginning to see are so refreshing. I wish you continued success and much happiness.
Thanks Ann! I am with you on no longer wanting to shuffle stuff. I’m over it! 😀
I have had a different route to the same end result of “cozy minimalist” my house burned to the ground in February. While I am sad at the loss of many family things and recovered very few things. I have realized that it is very freeing in a way. Things I have held onto just because it had emotional or sentimental attachment or honestly guilt that I couldn’t possibly get rid of something because it was from someone…well all gone now! So as we rebuild and start filling a new house I am very deliberate in deciding what will come in. (Lol I wouldn’t recommend this path to anyone but am just trying to focus on the positive since I didn’t have a choice in this) so yup, I’m in on the cozy minimalist with you!
Oh Amy. I am so sorry to hear about your house. I cannot even begin to imagine how devastating that would be to go through. Finding the positive when life throws us something so negative is not always easy – but it’s so healing when we do. Hugs to you, girl!