And just like that Christmas has come and gone.
The presents have been opened. The guests have all gone home. All the holiday madness and stress and to-do’s have been taken care of.
It happens so fast, doesn’t it?
I always get a touch of the post Christmas blues, but this year it seems to be worse than usual. To be honest, I think I’m going to miss the distraction of Christmas almost as much as the holiday itself. For one month, I was able to throw myself into shopping, and baking, and houseguests, and wrapping, and silly movies. For one month, I could focus on something other than heartbreak, and being alone, and all the pain and scary unknowns that come along with it.
It was hard not to compare this Christmas with those of years before. There were plenty of times when I felt the sting of this divorce loud and clear. I mean, who would have thought writing just one name instead of two in the “From” line on a gift tag could feel like a stab to the heart? Yeah… I didn’t see that one coming either. 
But no matter what painful reminder popped up, there was always something waiting to shift my focus. I don’t think I realized just how much I was using this season to avoid reality until my parents left Christmas Day morning to make the long trip back home to Michigan.
The house was empty and quiet.
The only things left sitting under the tree were fallen needles.
There were no more meals to prepare or errands to run.
I had the house to myself and nothing on the agenda, but I felt like I needed something to do.
So I did some laundry, and I washed the floors, and I took Alice on a long walk in the snow. And when we came in, I lit a fire in the fireplace and finally just allowed myself to do the one thing I had been avoiding all December long.
I sat down on the couch and had myself a good long cry.
I cried for all the Christmas traditions that I had to say goodbye to. I cried for all the ornaments that I couldn’t bear to put on the tree. I cried for all the memories of all the Christmases past. I even cried for those stupid little gift tags with only one name on them in the “From” line.
And then I’m pretty sure I cried because I was crying on Christmas Day. Ha!
Which all sounds completely awful, I know – but it wasn’t. It was something that clearly needed to happen – I felt more at peace after that good long ugly cry than I have all season.
It reminded me of a little quote I came across recently that read, “Let it hurt. And then let it go.”
So much wisdom packed in such a simple statement.
Don’t you think?
Tonya,I just found your blog this morning. First off , I am profoundly sorry about the D. I have been through that and it’s terrible. Take your time but do not give up on happiness. Just believe that there is someone who will love you and won’t leave you out there somewhere. Next , your home is absolutely charming I loved every pick and found myself wanting to see more. It all seems so natural and relaxed and I hope it has all been a serene place for you to heal in. I pray that as spring comes in a few months that new life will spring forth for you in all areas of your life and that you will one day at a time began to heal . I’m not sure why but there always seems to me anyway to be something cleansing and healing about spring. The old pain of D has past and new life and possible happiness is budding forth to new life. It seems as though all your readers are very supportive and that has to be comforting I’m sure. I can tell you that this will pass Jer 29:11 is full of hope. Have a good day today
Thank you so much for you lovely message, Carole. It has been a trying time for sure, but I’m so lucky to have a comforting place to come home too – it’s my little safe haven. I am looking forward to the spring – still some hurdles to cross, but hoping to be able to put the worst of it behind me soon. Welcome to the blog!
It’s good to cry and let it all out when it hurts so much! There’s a verse in the Binle that comforts me…”weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Ps.30:5 ❤️I love that! I hope you feel that joy in this New Year! Best to you, Tonya! ☺️
From, Laura
Sorry, meant to say “Bible” (autocorrect) screwed it up! 😉⤴️
Thank you Laura. It’s so true – when things get overwhelming I try to allow myself the time to just feel it – even when it hurts. And then the next day is a fresh start. I fully believe the best way to move past something is to feel all the parts of it – even the unpleasant ones – but not to dwell. There is still so much to be thankful for. Happiest of wishes for you in the New Year!!
This is the first of the holidays that you are going through by yourself and when the reality of it hits (only one name on the tag…) it stings. I’ve watched my daughter go through this (feeling helpless) as she struggled with the sorrow over the loss of a relationship and marriage. I’ll be honest, some things will always hurt but it will be less and less after awhile. There is a new future for you and you WILL make it….just don’t give up hope. You are a beautiful, talented and caring young woman….don’t ever forget that. You will find happiness again just like my daughter did. Hugs to you and blessing and peace for the New Year.
Thank you Linda. Some day, I’m sure this will all make sense – and until then I’m just taking it one day at a time and looking forward to what’s to come. It has to be uphill from here lol! Wishing you all the best in 2018. Happy New Year!
Prayers for you as this year comes to a close and for there to be an excitement of what the new year brings!!! The dawn of a new year can be so refreshing. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I know as you move forward God has wonderful things in store for your future!!! Blessings!!
Thank you Bonnie! I do feel like the start of this year is bringing a whole new outlook with it. I’m excited to see what’s in store. Happy New Year!!
I have been thinking of you and pray for brighter days for you. My favorite quote that I lean on during difficult times is by the Casting Crowns.. “Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” I think I have even mentioned it to you before. I can’t stress enough how true this is. You’re beautiful, both inside and out. Once you heal, the right person, deserving of you, will come along.
Thank you so much Becky. I am trying my best to believe that all of this will make sense some day. It’s not easy but there is a lesson to be learned from everything, right? Wishing you a very Happy New Year!
Tonya, I was thinking of you and praying for you too. I hope that a new and refreshing season is coming quickly for you this coming year. All the best! Judy
Thank you so much Judy. I’m definitely looking forward to tying up the baggage from last year so I can start fresh quickly into the new year. Fingers crossed! Happy New Year!!
I have always believed a good cry was healing. It often washes our eyes so we can see more clearly. i too have lived through divorce. It is painful. But you do move on and you learn from it. I wish you a happy 2018. Your home is lovely, inside & out. I suspect you are as well. Your comments made me think of this poem from Ireland, I hope you enjoy it:
I WISH YOU ENOUGH
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
(author: Bob Perks)
Happy new year,
Such a beautiful poem – I love it! Thanks for sharing Anna!
Thank you for your honesty.Your beauty shines through. This too shall pass.God bless you .
Thank you Nancy. Wishing you a very Happy New Year!
Well that moved me to tears. Nicely written..I felt like I was sitting there with you…and if I were.. I would’ve given you a hug and then poured us a glass of wine 😉
Here’s to wishing you a brighter and better 2018 and a future full of Christmases with new and beautiful traditions. 🎄✨
Thanks Mandy! I would be all about that glass of wine. Happy New Year!
Your home looks lovely decorated for the holidays, so your time preparing was not in vain. I hope your future brings you peace and happiness. You never know what’s out there waiting for you! Good friends and family will help you through this difficult time. I’ve followed along on your blog and I always enjoy your posts and photos of your home. Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best in the coming new year!
Thank you so much Vickie. Cheers to a brighter and better 2018!
Been there done that. It has been said it never goes away and that is true. Maybe the future will bring new changes, new friendships, a new family and a happier life. The old memories will still surface at times and you will cry again. The tears will not fall as had and you will get on with being happy. Wishing you peace .
Thank you Bara. I’m sorry you went through this too – there are just too many of us that have travelled this road, I’m afraid. I’m looking forward to a better and brighter year this year. Happy New Year!
A good cry can be so therapeutic. I know it doesn’t help, but time heals. I am hoping that 2018 will be a better year for you. You certainly deserve it. Take care and wishing you the best!
Thank you Sue. A good cry is the best therapy! I’m hoping for a better 2018 too. Happy New Year!!
I have been there, too. I will be honest and tell you it never completely goes away. However, like all grief, the pain softens and the edges of it aren’t as sharp.
I know your sharing is helping so many.
Be gentle with yourself just like you would a friend who’s going through the same loss.
Crying is good for you occasionally. I wish you continued healing in 2018.
Bless you, friend.
Thank you Carol. I’m sorry you had to go through this too – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Wishing you all the best in the new year!
“When we face the worst that can happen in any situation, we grow. When circumstances are at their worst, we can find our best.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. It is okay to cry, give yourself permission to vent.Tears are cleansing, sometimes we need to wash away the past before we can move into the future. I have found these words by Maya Angelou sage advice…”You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” May 2018 be your best year ever! Thank-you for sharing! Bless YOU!
Thank you so much Ellen! I am so looking forward to a better and brighter year ahead. Happy New Year!
Sorry for your pain. Thank you for sharing. Hope 2018 is bright and joyful.
I hope so too! Thanks Tina. Happy New Year!
I think letting it out is always a good thing. I know there are many good Christmases ahead for you! Wishing you a fresh start and a very Happy New Year.
Thank you Becky. Looking forward to better things in 2018. Happy New Year!
Thanks so much for sharing this…i cried reading it…
I’m sorry for making you cry Livi!
A good, long, cry is the best therapy at times. You’re so right about that statement, it’s powerful, too.
May your New Year be filled with more smiles than tears. Happy New Year!
Thank you so much Tina. Happy New Year!!
I’m sorry for your pain, but I’m glad you had the good long cry and found the peace that comes after. It all takes time, baby steps. Give yourself some grace, I’m sure you need and deserve it.
Thank you Sally. The therapeutic value of a good cry is highly underrated – sometimes you just need to get it out!
I’ve been there and you handled it with grace and truth. It will get better.
Well said, Mary, and it is true. There is usually very good reason for cutting ties with some people in our lives. Sometimes it takes time to appreciate the breadth of wisdom in our decisions to do so. Familiarity and fear of the unknown can block our vision of what the future can hold. Best wishes to you, Tonya, for a much brighter new year.
Thank you Ardith. I have yet to get true clarity on the “why” but I’m hoping someday it will come. Until then it’s just one day at a time, right? Wishing you all the best in the new year!
Thank you Mary. Sorry to hear you travelled this road too. It’s a long and not so pretty one, isn’t it?